One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
