bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
