My friends, they love my intelligence
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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