when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
