is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
