I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
