If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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