I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
