the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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