Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think my fart just growled at me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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