I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
