She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she pinky promised me she was 18
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
