Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
