Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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