he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
