it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
