i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
