well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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