my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
