we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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