I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
