i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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