atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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