his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
