im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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