I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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