I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
