Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
