would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
