I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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