Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
