Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
