its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
