While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
