god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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