Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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