Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
