nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
