I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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