I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
