If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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