did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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