Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
