While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
