I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
