So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
