the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
