2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
