Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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