cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
