if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
